A Noble Ex

Reclusive in Vermont asks, Can you tell me more about this Jesus guy?

He used to be my boyfriend. Like Harvey (the rabbit), he wasn’t someone that people could see, but he was always with me. Unlike Harvey (the rabbit), I didn’t let on to others that he was around. In fact, I never spoke about my secret boyfriend to anyone at all. (I didn’t have a best friend so it was easy to keep Jesus to myself.) But then, every Wednesday, the local curate would come to school to offer a sermon and he would use my boyfriend to talk to people about love, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Imagine your beloved being used as an example of how to love the world. It was kind of icky. Again, I didn’t mention this to anyone, I just tried really hard not to love Jesus anymore. Eventually I found a boy my own age to secretly love, and I let Jesus go. We have kept in contact with each other, though. Every year I send Jesus a Christmas card, and he sends me one of those Festive Update Letters. My life has really changed—I have a husband, a house, two kids, a dog, and two cats, but his life seems to have stagnated. I feel sorry for him—having to offer love to so many demanding people has drained him. When he writes to me about all the ways that he has brought love into people’s lives, instead of feeling happy for him, I feel sad. His relationships don’t feel as if they are on an equal footing—he is always giving, but he never mentions what he has been given in return. And so, even though I think he is noble, I have also come to think of him as a guy we should feel sorry for. It’s like he is in an emotionally abusive relationship with the world . . . Sad, sad, sad. This is too upsetting for me. Please, forgive my unprofessional response to your question, but I have found it difficult to maintain my distance for obvious reasons.